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It's one of those weird nights for me. Do you ever get like this?

I don't want to be by myself, but I don't want to see anyone (which is good I guess because I don't have a phone and if I did, who would I call?). I've been working diligently on a paper all day, and now I don't want to do it anymore. Putting it off until tomorrow won't matter, so I'm not pressured. I've got headphones on to block out the noise of other people's music, but I don't really want to listen to anything. I'm not tired, and I don't want to sleep. But I don't want to read or do anything else that involves being awake. I don't want to sit and I don't want to stand or walk.

I can't figure out what the feeling is. I'm exactly halfway between climbing up the walls and perfectly content, but I have no idea what to do with myself. I get like this sometimes, and it's difficult even for me to describe exactly the feeling. It's not just an England thing, either. I'm like this sometimes no matter where I am. In Raleigh, my solution is to go to a coffeeshop (usually Third Place) and sit in the corner and people watch. It's the perfect blend between being alone and being with people. I'm there in the midst of others, but I don't have to interact with them. It's the comfort of community with none of the work. I think this is why Panera is always so full. Fellowship without the fuss.

I don't really know what this means or says about me or people in general. We want benefits without the cost. It's not that we want a good benefit-to-cost ratio; we want that thing to go to infinity. Make costs zero and no matter what the benefit is, you get infinity. We're consumerists to the core.

Right now I'm reading Daniel, and consumerism didn't register in that guy's brain. "Keep your gifts for yourself or give your rewards to someone else; however I will read the inscription." Daniel was totally out of control, and the thing that maybe I most love is that he was respected by everyone and oversaw the whole empire. He wasn't some ultra-pious religious freak. He understood literature and government and languages and God gave him wisdom. He was a bizarre kind of prophet considering the usual Old Testament types who lived in caves and married prostitutes. This guy had to be rich as crap and served something like 5 kings and was one of the top rulers of one of the mightiest empires ever to exist on planet earth. But he always worshiped God. Through God's use of him, several kings of Babylon were saved.

This is a disjointed and rambling post. Welcome to my brain. It's even worse up there.

More thoughts on Daniel may be forthcoming. Until them love each other, enjoy friendships, be drunk with God, remember your freedom.

"All the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, But He does according to His will in the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of earth; And no one can ward off His hand Or say to Him, 'What have you done?'" ~Daniel 4:35